Smiles are Not Free
Contrary to what McDonald's promises (besides crappy food), this particular trip to the surgeon cost me $800. To be fair though, he cut the fee from $1700 to $800, which was extremely nice of him. Anyway, let's get on to the part you've all been waiting for, my pain and suffering!
First of all, the day did not get off to a good start, what with me almost being late for my appointment at all. It was scheduled to be at 8:00 am, I think I arrived around 8:03. As some of you probably know, I get stressed out easily. Especially when I'm late, or think I'm late. Sooo, you can imagine that my blood pressure and heart rate were probably already off the charts when I stepped in the room. Now, let's talk about the operating room. The first thing I see is a bunch of monitors behind the chair. Okay, that doesn't look so bad, now what's next to the chair? Oh, a big-ass intravenous (IV) needle and some wicked looking instruments, mhm. WHAT? That's when I started hyperventilating a little. The very kind nurse or dental assistant started chatting me up in hopes of distracting me from the NEEDLE OF DOOM, but to no avail. I think I developed a temporary needle radar that squawked in my head every time she held up that stupid thing. Anyway, she tied a rubber band-thing on my upper arm to restrict the circulation, and to make the vein in my arm pop up more. She then put a warm compress on my arm and flicked the vein lightly, swabbed the site of the vein with alcohol and poised the NEEDLE OF DOOM.
***This is where you might want to stop reading, Maria***
"Okay, now count to three and hold your breath."
Crap, two, three, *wheeze*
Ow. The needle was in, and heck if I was going to look at something that's stuck in my arm, so I looked at the nurse's face instead. I certainly did not like the look of mild consternation that I saw there. She then proceeded to push the NEEDLE OF DOOM further in, and wiggled it around. To say it hurt would be like saying I eat moderately. The deeper the needle went, the more my STUPID VEIN slipped around and hid deeper. By then, my knees were shaking so badly, I had to use my free, as of yet unpoked arm to hold them down. But no, my knees weren't the only parts of my body that was apparently trying to escape the room. My upper body started shaking too, only it was in abrupt little jolts that made it seem like I was being electrocuted. Slowly. The Nurse fished around for that elusive vein for a few more minutes, and having finally decided it was futile, gave me a break and took the freaking thing out of my maimed arm.
"How do you feel? Are you okay"
"Yep! I'm fine!" And apparently the grimace of horror I gave right then was so terrifying she then put a gas mask on me and promised the nitrous gas would help me relax a bit, and hopefully, bring the veins up a little more. After a few minutes of inhaling that stuff, she then tried for my other arm. I was slowly dying inside. Warm compress, slight flicking and pinching of the veins, but the stupid thing also refused to surface.
"The gas isn't working, huh?"
"Hahaha...NOPE!" *PLACEBOPLACEBOPLACEBO* (Of course, that was just my paranoia talking; later I did find out that it really was nitrous gas)
"Hm... let's try your hand then!"
...What now? MY HAND? EWWWWWWWW
"Ok!" *Grins maniacally again*
To cut a long story short, that obviously didn't work either. Besides being buried way too deep due to my unrelenting wussiness, they were also way to tiny to be found in one jab.
The nurse laughed, "I bet you wish you had ugly, manly veins like mine!"
To which I answered cheerily "Yeah!" and promptly searched around for something to stab myself with. Is it too late, I wondered, to blame it on the gas mask?
Luckily, she didn't seem to mind my brainless comment, and proceeded to look for an available vein in my arm again. She gasped, "Okay, take a deep breath!"
*Wheeze....OWWW*
"There! We've finally got it in!" *She beams*
Total time to find the vein: 30 minutes
"Thanks for being so patient..."
"Oh, no! I feel really bad that you had to suffer through this...Let me just inject some of the medicine in right now to ease your pain as a reward for all the trauma you've been through"
*Yay!....Oooooh...the ceiling is dotty...like me....hehehehe*
The nurse then took advantage of my loopiness to attach some cuff thing on my arm and one of those things you put on your finger to monitor your blood pressure? Heart rate? One of those. By then I was too amused by the pretty view of the 7th floor to ask her what they were for.
*********************************************************************************
While I was busy enumerating the fascinating patterns on the ceiling, the good doctor must have ninja-ed his way behind my chair and injected the full sedative, because after that I was out out out.
What I didn't count on, however, was waking up when he was still TAKING INSTRUMENTS OUT OF MY MOUTH. Ignoring the throbbing pain on the right side of my mouth, I convinced myself that I was still drugged up and promptly closed my eyes. A few minutes later, I started tearing up, and the nurse asked if I was okay.
"Maybe your eyes are just watering...or sometimes the relief from the surgery being over is so strong that people tend to get emotional"
She then dabbed my eyes and handed me a tissue, promising to transport me to a room with some pillows and a blanket. Appeased, I lay back and tried to mumble my thanks. Hey, cool, my chin is frozen. And so is my upper lip! But my right side was still hurting like crazy, and I gibbered at the nurse to tell her just that. Being well versed in gauzed-mouth frozen-tongue speak, she immediately understood and gave my two Tylenol 3s, which definitely helped. She then helped my out of my chair, and brought me to a resting room. After my dad got the medicine from the pharmacy, I finally left the building.
To my great dismay, the tears still weren't stopping. And they weren't just flowing in a constant stream, the most bizzare things would trigger a bout of tears. Mind you, I wasn't crying/sobbing out loud, it was almost like an out-of-body experience, where I had no control over my tears.
Random things I blubbered over:
Red Sea Cafe - I shed a tear or two. Why couldn't they have made it the BLUE Sea Cafe? That's my favorite colour :(
My dad mentioning that we'd be eating congee today - More tears. I like congee! It's probably my favorite Chinese food! THEN WHY THE HECK AM I TEARING UP?!??
Office Depot - Oh the tears really flowed heavily on this one. Office Depot! It's so...commercial!!! It makes me so...yeah, I gave up on figuring out why I was crying over toner and printer paper.
They could've mentioned being hormonal as a side effect of the drugs :(
When I got home, I stumbled into bed and had a series of dreams. None of which would land me a prize for normalcy. However, the ones I can remember for now involve receptionists who metamorphosed into cherry-flavoured lollipops, and pedestrians and drivers who had no bodys, just heads. How they managed to propel themselves forward in their vehicles/noggins is beyond me. Oh, and one more involved me in Hawaii swimming with rainbow coloured sharks, then cooking them over a fire made with coconuts. Yeah, I don't know either.
On the bright side, other than the initial pain that was quickly cured by the Tylenol, the aftermath of the surgery was quite painless. Two wisdom teeth and two impacted premolars gone, baby! The only swelling I had was on my mouth, which, while they were no Jolie lips, were still quite pouty and amusing. The bleeding also stopped in half a day. I didn't even have to take Tylenol for the rest of the day!
Much kudos to Dr M. for being such an awesome surgeon who made the surgery go as smoothly and painlessly as possible. I'd definitely recommend him to anyone who hasn't had their wisdom teeth out yet. No swelling AND almost no pain? What more could you ask for! Thank you also to the nice nurse who tried to put me at ease while inserting the NEEDLE OF DOOM in my arm. Multiple times. Also, thanks for your prayers and well wishes, y'all! Unfortunately, I don't have any surgery trophies to show you guys, except that druggie-like bruise on my arm and numerous pills which Tracy took pictures of. Even the lips aren't swollen/pouty anymore. Pity.
My only regret was that I forgot to ask if I could keep the tooth they didn't cut up to pieces while extracting. I would've liked a souvenir. Oh well, at least it was not all in vein. The tooth is still out there! *Rim shot*
First of all, the day did not get off to a good start, what with me almost being late for my appointment at all. It was scheduled to be at 8:00 am, I think I arrived around 8:03. As some of you probably know, I get stressed out easily. Especially when I'm late, or think I'm late. Sooo, you can imagine that my blood pressure and heart rate were probably already off the charts when I stepped in the room. Now, let's talk about the operating room. The first thing I see is a bunch of monitors behind the chair. Okay, that doesn't look so bad, now what's next to the chair? Oh, a big-ass intravenous (IV) needle and some wicked looking instruments, mhm. WHAT? That's when I started hyperventilating a little. The very kind nurse or dental assistant started chatting me up in hopes of distracting me from the NEEDLE OF DOOM, but to no avail. I think I developed a temporary needle radar that squawked in my head every time she held up that stupid thing. Anyway, she tied a rubber band-thing on my upper arm to restrict the circulation, and to make the vein in my arm pop up more. She then put a warm compress on my arm and flicked the vein lightly, swabbed the site of the vein with alcohol and poised the NEEDLE OF DOOM.
***This is where you might want to stop reading, Maria***
"Okay, now count to three and hold your breath."
Crap, two, three, *wheeze*
Ow. The needle was in, and heck if I was going to look at something that's stuck in my arm, so I looked at the nurse's face instead. I certainly did not like the look of mild consternation that I saw there. She then proceeded to push the NEEDLE OF DOOM further in, and wiggled it around. To say it hurt would be like saying I eat moderately. The deeper the needle went, the more my STUPID VEIN slipped around and hid deeper. By then, my knees were shaking so badly, I had to use my free, as of yet unpoked arm to hold them down. But no, my knees weren't the only parts of my body that was apparently trying to escape the room. My upper body started shaking too, only it was in abrupt little jolts that made it seem like I was being electrocuted. Slowly. The Nurse fished around for that elusive vein for a few more minutes, and having finally decided it was futile, gave me a break and took the freaking thing out of my maimed arm.
"How do you feel? Are you okay"
"Yep! I'm fine!" And apparently the grimace of horror I gave right then was so terrifying she then put a gas mask on me and promised the nitrous gas would help me relax a bit, and hopefully, bring the veins up a little more. After a few minutes of inhaling that stuff, she then tried for my other arm. I was slowly dying inside. Warm compress, slight flicking and pinching of the veins, but the stupid thing also refused to surface.
"The gas isn't working, huh?"
"Hahaha...NOPE!" *PLACEBOPLACEBOPLACEBO* (Of course, that was just my paranoia talking; later I did find out that it really was nitrous gas)
"Hm... let's try your hand then!"
...What now? MY HAND? EWWWWWWWW
"Ok!" *Grins maniacally again*
To cut a long story short, that obviously didn't work either. Besides being buried way too deep due to my unrelenting wussiness, they were also way to tiny to be found in one jab.
The nurse laughed, "I bet you wish you had ugly, manly veins like mine!"
To which I answered cheerily "Yeah!" and promptly searched around for something to stab myself with. Is it too late, I wondered, to blame it on the gas mask?
Luckily, she didn't seem to mind my brainless comment, and proceeded to look for an available vein in my arm again. She gasped, "Okay, take a deep breath!"
*Wheeze....OWWW*
"There! We've finally got it in!" *She beams*
Total time to find the vein: 30 minutes
"Thanks for being so patient..."
"Oh, no! I feel really bad that you had to suffer through this...Let me just inject some of the medicine in right now to ease your pain as a reward for all the trauma you've been through"
*Yay!....Oooooh...the ceiling is dotty...like me....hehehehe*
The nurse then took advantage of my loopiness to attach some cuff thing on my arm and one of those things you put on your finger to monitor your blood pressure? Heart rate? One of those. By then I was too amused by the pretty view of the 7th floor to ask her what they were for.
*********************************************************************************
While I was busy enumerating the fascinating patterns on the ceiling, the good doctor must have ninja-ed his way behind my chair and injected the full sedative, because after that I was out out out.
What I didn't count on, however, was waking up when he was still TAKING INSTRUMENTS OUT OF MY MOUTH. Ignoring the throbbing pain on the right side of my mouth, I convinced myself that I was still drugged up and promptly closed my eyes. A few minutes later, I started tearing up, and the nurse asked if I was okay.
"Maybe your eyes are just watering...or sometimes the relief from the surgery being over is so strong that people tend to get emotional"
She then dabbed my eyes and handed me a tissue, promising to transport me to a room with some pillows and a blanket. Appeased, I lay back and tried to mumble my thanks. Hey, cool, my chin is frozen. And so is my upper lip! But my right side was still hurting like crazy, and I gibbered at the nurse to tell her just that. Being well versed in gauzed-mouth frozen-tongue speak, she immediately understood and gave my two Tylenol 3s, which definitely helped. She then helped my out of my chair, and brought me to a resting room. After my dad got the medicine from the pharmacy, I finally left the building.
To my great dismay, the tears still weren't stopping. And they weren't just flowing in a constant stream, the most bizzare things would trigger a bout of tears. Mind you, I wasn't crying/sobbing out loud, it was almost like an out-of-body experience, where I had no control over my tears.
Random things I blubbered over:
Red Sea Cafe - I shed a tear or two. Why couldn't they have made it the BLUE Sea Cafe? That's my favorite colour :(
My dad mentioning that we'd be eating congee today - More tears. I like congee! It's probably my favorite Chinese food! THEN WHY THE HECK AM I TEARING UP?!??
Office Depot - Oh the tears really flowed heavily on this one. Office Depot! It's so...commercial!!! It makes me so...yeah, I gave up on figuring out why I was crying over toner and printer paper.
They could've mentioned being hormonal as a side effect of the drugs :(
When I got home, I stumbled into bed and had a series of dreams. None of which would land me a prize for normalcy. However, the ones I can remember for now involve receptionists who metamorphosed into cherry-flavoured lollipops, and pedestrians and drivers who had no bodys, just heads. How they managed to propel themselves forward in their vehicles/noggins is beyond me. Oh, and one more involved me in Hawaii swimming with rainbow coloured sharks, then cooking them over a fire made with coconuts. Yeah, I don't know either.
On the bright side, other than the initial pain that was quickly cured by the Tylenol, the aftermath of the surgery was quite painless. Two wisdom teeth and two impacted premolars gone, baby! The only swelling I had was on my mouth, which, while they were no Jolie lips, were still quite pouty and amusing. The bleeding also stopped in half a day. I didn't even have to take Tylenol for the rest of the day!
Much kudos to Dr M. for being such an awesome surgeon who made the surgery go as smoothly and painlessly as possible. I'd definitely recommend him to anyone who hasn't had their wisdom teeth out yet. No swelling AND almost no pain? What more could you ask for! Thank you also to the nice nurse who tried to put me at ease while inserting the NEEDLE OF DOOM in my arm. Multiple times. Also, thanks for your prayers and well wishes, y'all! Unfortunately, I don't have any surgery trophies to show you guys, except that druggie-like bruise on my arm and numerous pills which Tracy took pictures of. Even the lips aren't swollen/pouty anymore. Pity.
My only regret was that I forgot to ask if I could keep the tooth they didn't cut up to pieces while extracting. I would've liked a souvenir. Oh well, at least it was not all in vein. The tooth is still out there! *Rim shot*
posted by Mesha at 8:52 PM
4 Comments:
In my experiance the worse you are feeling the more trouble the nurse has putting in the IV. My first ever IV was a breeze. When I went into emergency a week later it took FOUR tries! And they poked me another two times to draw blood. I hope you have a smooth recouvery
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm maimed for life just reading that uh.. incident of horrific happenings with the whole pokey thingy *starts hugging self to make myself feel better*
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Glad to hear you're all right. I may have to go visit this dentist in the summer... I mean winter.
Don't blame me, I just got off work and am completely irrational.. I mean illiterate.
P.S. Love your writing style. It's even funnier than Tracy's, and she's downright hilarious.
Hey I never left a comment before... Here's to the good will of braces!
GO BRACES!
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